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poetry sucks

i write poems

I MOVE CHICKENS

Originally posted by Mr. Ayl E. In@Mar 5 2005, 05:15 PM

orbity, wow. your first 2 quattrains were so nice. like professional, basically. the rest wasn't so interesting, but not bad.

Danke.

 

Normally, I would have stayed in meter, but I modelled this poem after Auden's "In Memory of W.B. Yeats," so that explains the rest of it.

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Originally posted by s u b t i t l e s@Mar 8 2005, 01:01 AM

Burger

 

The car looked down the empty road with its headlights

The road was waving the car to come down it

The Burger King was begging for the car to go through the drive-thru

The burgers were waiting to be ordered

And the stomachs dreams were fulfilled

:) beautiful!

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I wrote this yesterday...it's about lacking confidence

 

 

Please forget the words that I just blurted out,

it wasn't me, it was my strange and creeping doubt,

it keeps rattling my cage.

And there's nothing in this world will keep it down,

 

and even though I might, even though I try, I can't.

Even though I might, even though I try, I can't.

 

Soon your things that keep, that keep me underground,

so many words that I, that I can never find.

If you give up on me now,

I'll be gutted like I've never been before.

 

And even though I might, even though I try, I can't

Even though I might, even though I try, I can't

 

If you give up on me now,

I'll be gutted like I've never been before.

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Originally posted by skitttlebrain@Mar 20 2005, 05:43 AM

I wrote this yesterday...it's about lacking confidence

 

 

Please forget the words that I just blurted out,

it wasn't me, it was my strange and creeping doubt,

it keeps rattling my cage.

And there's nothing in this world will keep it down,

 

and even though I might, even though I try, I can't.

Even though I might, even though I try, I can't.

 

Soon your things that keep, that keep me underground,

so many words that I, that I can never find.

If you give up on me now,

I'll be gutted like I've never been before.

 

And even though I might, even though I try, I can't

Even though I might, even though I try, I can't

 

If you give up on me now,

I'll be gutted like I've never been before.

e

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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o?

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Hullo :)

 

*FIRST DRAFT*

 

Blinde(a)d

 

 

Orb of fire

slowly streches supple fingers

cross the shoulders of night

It awakens, sends to slumber,

vapourises

the elixir of life

 

trouble sleeping

feel the heating

mettle weak'ning

Blind Dead Light

 

Unwelcome Stranger

hides the danger

within waves of suprise

silence broken now I'm choking

kiss of death

in disguise

 

time is keeping

stops the beating

answer seeking

Blind Dead Lives

 

Courageous Victim

Point blank statement aimed and ready

to be fired from a gun

Target practise for the tactless

Take us out

till there's none

 

talk is cheap'ning

anger's peaking

start the meetings

Blind Dead Lies

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