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zachadoodle

Brutally Honest Reviews: Resurrection

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Hey one and all,


 


Post a smallish portion of your art from any form of art (even literary criticism, essays, etc.) and I will give it a brutally honest review and maybe a few words using this rating system:


 


afUmbvx.png


 


hvnaWva.png


 


LmMZiLh.png


 


Gy0UBY9.png


 


VlsyaO6.png


 


No promises on how fast I can turn around a review.


 


Cheers!


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Review me like one of your French girls

 

https://chainstore.bandcamp.com/album/a-sudden-little-river

 

  LmMZiLh.png

 

Please do not be discouraged by this rating. The little man staring is actually indeed a good review, although it correlates to a 3/5. What it means is that the art kept my attention throughout and any shortcomings were in at least equal measure with redeeming qualities.

 

This song was straight out of the 70's, and sort of Jim Croce meets Lynyrd Skynyrd by way of The Walkmen. But, the main problem is that the lyrics didn't do much at all for me. I kind of liked, "smoke another cigarette and try to pass the time" or something to that effect. But the rest of it seemed pedestrian, to be brutally honest. As ThomasJ sings, "Play from your fucking heart. This is supposed to be art." The best art melts or breaks your heart. If you're not aiming for the heart, you're off-target, in my humble opinion. Production, guitar, vocal accuracy, drums, etc. were all very very solid.

 

ps - who are you, exactly?

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Rob is coming out of a store or mall, in a large parking lot.

He doesn’t take more than three steps outside when he hits his panic button on his key chain for his car.
 
He sees his car and starts walking towards it.
 
A man runs towards Rob’s truck.
 
MAN
Is everything alright?
 
Rob’s confused.
 
ROB
Yeah, everything’s cool.
 
MAN
Did you hit the panic button on your car?
 
ROB
Yeah, I couldn’t find it. 
 
MAN
So you just hit it so you could find your car?
 
ROB
Yeah.
 
MAN
Tell me something, what does it say on the button?
 
ROB
Panic.
 
MAN
Exactly, it’s not a locate button.
 
ROB
Well how do you know how panicked I was when I couldn’t find my car? It could have been stolen.
 
MAN
I’m betting as soon as you walked into the parking lot you hit the panic button because you couldn’t remember where you parked.
 
ROB
Well, that’s quite a theory. But look, here’s my truck. No more panic. Thanks for the help. 
 
MAN
You’ll regret that one day.
 
Rob looks confused again as he gets in his truck.

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lol its because it belongs nowhere, I'm literally just writing them right now as my students write their essays. Feel free to destroy them, here is another one:

 

Rob is purchasing something, he hands the cashier the money. 

 
The cashier finishes the transaction and places the money on the counter with Rob’s hand still extended.
 
ROB
Excuse me, I handed you the money.
 
CASHIER
So what?
 
ROB
Can you put the money in my hand?
 
CASHIER
You kidding me?
 
ROB
I waited and put it in your hand.
 
CASHIER
Yeah and?
 
ROB
Why can’t you just put the money in my hand?
 
FRIEND
Rob, just leave it.
 
ROB
No, you’re serving me, you should put the money in my hand.
 
CASHIER
I’m serving you? I’m your servant?
 
ROB
Well not a servant, but you are getting paid to serve me. So yeah, I guess you could say that. 
 
CASHIER
Exactly, I’m getting paid, I’m not a slave. I think you should leave.
 
ROB
What? Like 7 dollars an hour? Look out!
 
CASHIER 
Have fun picking the money up off the counter.
 
ROB
I will.
 
He goes to pick it up and drops some on the floor.
 
CASHIER
There you go. Bend down and pick it up. Bend further, almost there.
 
Rob stops bending down.
 
ROB 
I’m not picking it up, I’ll leave it and I’m never coming back here.
 
CASHIER
Good, don’t.
 
ROB
You just lost a loyal customer.
 
CASHIER
Guess what? I don’t care.
 
As they’re walking away.
 
To friend - 
 
ROB
Believe that guy?
 
FRIEND
Yeah I do.

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I was going to share this with MT anyway but this seems like a great place to do it!

 

https://soundcloud.com/georgewoskob/moby-house-29

 

I previously posted a draft of it in the longest thread. Done now.

 

Actually, if you want to review this one you can too.

 

https://soundcloud.com/georgewoskob/and-so-much-more

 

Just do one I don't want to monopolize.

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lol its because it belongs nowhere, I'm literally just writing them right now as my students write their essays. Feel free to destroy them, here is another one:

 

Rob is purchasing something, he hands the cashier the money.

 

The cashier finishes the transaction and places the money on the counter with Rob’s hand still extended.

 

ROB

Excuse me, I handed you the money.

 

CASHIER

So what?

 

ROB

Can you put the money in my hand?

 

CASHIER

You kidding me?

 

ROB

I waited and put it in your hand.

 

CASHIER

Yeah and?

 

ROB

Why can’t you just put the money in my hand?

 

FRIEND

Rob, just leave it.

 

ROB

No, you’re serving me, you should put the money in my hand.

 

CASHIER

I’m serving you? I’m your servant?

 

ROB

Well not a servant, but you are getting paid to serve me. So yeah, I guess you could say that.

 

CASHIER

Exactly, I’m getting paid, I’m not a slave. I think you should leave.

 

ROB

What? Like 7 dollars an hour? Look out!

 

CASHIER

Have fun picking the money up off the counter.

 

ROB

I will.

 

He goes to pick it up and drops some on the floor.

 

CASHIER

There you go. Bend down and pick it up. Bend further, almost there.

 

Rob stops bending down.

 

ROB

I’m not picking it up, I’ll leave it and I’m never coming back here.

 

CASHIER

Good, don’t.

 

ROB

You just lost a loyal customer.

 

CASHIER

Guess what? I don’t care.

 

As they’re walking away.

 

To friend -

 

ROB

Believe that guy?

 

FRIEND

Yeah I do.

VlsyaO6.jpg

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I was going to share this with MT anyway but this seems like a great place to do it!

 

https://soundcloud.com/georgewoskob/moby-house-29

 

I previously posted a draft of it in the longest thread. Done now.

 

Actually, if you want to review this one you can too.

 

https://soundcloud.com/georgewoskob/and-so-much-more

 

Just do one I don't want to monopolize.

 

george, 

 

please please please do not hate me. but I have to be true to this thread title, right? brutally honest. keep in mind these are just the reactions of one guy with one set of tastes being some brutally honest asshole. so here we go:

 

moby house 

 

hvnaWva.png

 

there's some good things I'll say about this. like, the production. the tones. some of the beats and melody. but the bottom line is, it didn't hook me. and I forgot I was listening to music while I was catching up with my online personal life. I love music that aims for the goddamn heart or something akin to that. or acts like a shot of espresso. I get nothing here and metaphorically, I am that little man sleeping in the chair.

 

and so much more

 

hvnaWva.png

 

same deal here. I stuck it out, tho. of course, the vocals here meant I was aware at a certain point that the song was still playing, but when I was aware, my first thought was, the fuck? is this still woskob? and look, she's a phenomenal singer. but the song doesn't do her justice because for whatever reason the lyrics aren't sticking out (or maybe they weren't quite good enough on their own anyway? don't know, but it's late so I'm only giving it one play) but see, this style of electronica is like, y'know... it's a background piece for some other action. in my opinion. like all those scenes in that one film, Contagion. The music is what makes those industrial dialogue-less shots really come to life and make you focus on the action. here, you don't have just that. you're contrasting it with some soul vox. and they clash. doesn't fit right. vox have soul in them, man. but the beat and melodies are kinda just hanging out at this open house trying to be the glue that holds the party together. it's not the right way to present these vox and lyrics. 

 

contrast all of that with what I'm playing now, "Sick Week" by some guy with a modest label out of Austin, TX. This song, first off, it demands all of your attention with its fucken beauty and the sense that it has a story to tell and listen up if you're hip. and then it breaks your goddamn heart and pieces it back together for you. so I don't know. that's me. I party sad.

 

please post more tho!!! you know you're one of my favorites.

 

https://soundcloud.com/morgan-coy

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Here's a song I improvised and recorded on my phone. I've altered it slightly since then but I'd love to hear your thoughts kefke

 

https://soundcloud.com/thomasjmarchant/empty-balloon-improvised

 

Gy0UBY9.png

 

I really want to give this one the full 5/5 review, but man, you've got the most ridiculously simple guitar part ever and I fucken love it. but why for the love of cheeses are the vox on overdrive? fuck's sake man, I can't play this at a proper volume because your vocal chords are trying to murder my ear drums. jesus. cool it.

 

but really really really really really really great songwriting.

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Cheers dudey! Yeah I didn't intentionally overdrive the vocals, I just recorded it on my phone for posterity and liked it so much I uploaded it. There'll be an album version of it eventually although it may well end up being diffe

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Zach, I appreciate your review very much. I didn't want and wouldn't have wanted anything other than your most honest review. I say this while it makes me a little sad that the music didn't move you as much as it moves me. The counterexample of the austin band was really useful for seeing where you come from.

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