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pedestrian

pedestrian writes songs

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these are both solid tunes, but blah blah blues is definitely the standout. the hook in the chorus got me for sure. some good lyrics on there too, although you could maybe work on singjng them clearer, seeing as how they are important to the songs, because sometimes the words get muddled. i agree that bbb would sound good with a full band. this is just an opinion/idea, but after the last chorus i pictured the song chugging along instrumentally for a little bit, instead of that slowdown stop you have in there.

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thanks for the feedback, folks!  roger, are you saying you expected an instrumental instead of the bridge with the "i'm looking out the peephole" lyrics?  also, yeah, i recorded this while my roommate was home, so i didn't pronounce my words as carefully as i should haha.  def whenever i get a full band recording the vocals will be tighter.  

 

@ and what a wow, i just recorded directly into a boss br-600.  turned the internal mic on and played.  for "blah blah blues," i leaned in closer to the recorder, so that my voice would pick up a bit louder than the guitar.  on "dust whurl" the guitar was overpowering the vocals a bit.

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good lyrics dude.  they read particularly well, and you do a good job of singing them.  it's hard to sing a complex vocab! 

 

dust whirls

  I recommend using a different word than "hopscotch," it feels a little forced there.  I also think as far as the first song goes, that the verse is much stronger than the "divinity" part.  Your pronunciation is clearer in the first half, and when you go into the 4 line chorus thing it sort of becomes muddled.  the monotone doesn't help there, and I liked the strange and somber melody you had going in the first half.  maybe just more lyrics in that vein and scratch the second half?  I don't know.

 

blah blah blues

I like dust whirls more.  just not my style I think.  I wish I had some sort of recommendation, but I really don't listen to this kind of stuff too much so I don't know what you're going for.  I suppose I see what Rog is saying about an instrumental coda.  this one would sound better with a full band, not really fully realized as a solo thing, whereas dust whirls I think worked with the sparse instrumentation.

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i don't particularly see how the word 'hopscotch' sounds forced, or are you saying just lyrically it seems forced?  i am glad you like the lyrics, though. the only line that was hard to fit into a melody was "while the stereo broadcasts a four chorded signal that stammers and stuns".  the song was built around the final words, and i think those are my favorite in the song, so i think i'll keep those.  the lyrics are finalized for "dust whurl" but it could use a better recording.  i hate the levels of the guitar versus singing, but i mostly just felt like recording something while i felt inspired.  i wrote two more songs within that time frame, but they were recorded very poorly into audacity, so those are not shared here and i am not sure if i will record them again.

 

"blah blah blues" is definitely more of a 'demo' than "dust whurl" is, so the song now isn't going to sound as good as it will.  my friend and i are working on a piano part right now.  i'm interested in what you mean by "this kind of stuff" because i'd like to know what comparison you are thinking of.  i mean, it really is just my attempt at writing a silver jews song, but my monotone isn't as severe as david berman; i kinda just lifted the very first melody line from "buckingham rabbit" when i sing "my index finger's stuck in a bottle."  idk how monotone i'll sing it for the full band version, and i still want to do the double a-side male and female vocals.

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no it's not lyrically forced, but rhythmically it feels that way to me.  that's just my impression!

 

"this kind of stuff."  indie pop, indie folk?  I thought of pavement, self, also some elvis costello but also with a more DIY vibe...have you heard of Defiance Ohio?  Sometimes it reminded me of them.  I don't know Silver Jews.  I'd love to hear how it sounds in your head.  Hopefully you can get some more instruments going on.

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oh, cool!  i like hearing elvis costello as a comparison even if it only slightly because he got me wanting to write more 'proper' songs and was a big part of the inspiration towards writing again.  i have not heard defiance ohio. 

 

here is a silver jews (malkmus was originally in this band) song that is kind of a sound i'm going for with "blah blah blues" except more upbeat and such.  might throw horns in there like in random rules.

 

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@ and what a wow, i just recorded directly into a boss br-600.  turned the internal mic on and played.  for "blah blah blues," i leaned in closer to the recorder, so that my voice would pick up a bit louder than the guitar.  on "dust whurl" the guitar was overpowering the vocals a bit.

So you prefer boss br-600 to digital software then, like Ableton? (I ask cos I wanna start recording stuff)

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i don't have a preference really because i haven't used ableton, but boss br-600 is a digital recorder as well.  just having that set-up seems easier than ableton though.  i've never used the br-600 to its full potential because i've always been lazy with a song

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